


Trash

by WolfyWordWeaver



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Aromantic, Aromantic!Remus, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, Explicit Language, F/M, Female!Remus - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gender Non-Conforming Sirius Black, Genderbending, Gossip, High School, Hopeful Ending, Leukemia, Male-Female Friendship, Minor Jily, Prom, References to Illness, Teenage Drama, Texting, minor Peter Pettigrew/Mary McKinnon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:48:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29649489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver
Summary: With graduation from high school drawing closer, Remus Lupin finds herself in a difficult spot between being bullied and trying to figure out what's going on between her and Sirius. Being asked to the prom by one of the most popular guys in school definitely puts a target on her back, but will she care since he's also one of her best friends since childhood?A quirky story about young love, high school days, and the weird space between being a child and becoming an adult.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 21
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make sure a few things are clear here up front so that no one gets surprised in the story. Please read the tags.
> 
> Remus Lupin is a girl in this story, and she has been friends with the three boys (James, Sirius, and Peter) since childhood. She is also on the aromantic spectrum although the label is not specifically addressed in the story. Sirius identifies as male although he is gender non-conforming and a pansexual. Again, these labels are not particularly addressed directly in the story although you will see it. While writing this I made a conscious decision to not make any of these labels plot points in the story because I wanted to write it in a very normalized way. Sirius and James have had "partners" and it's not an issue. Remus talks about her confusion and perspective on romance, but again, it's more in a normalized teenager working through a relationship thing, not the defining point of the story.
> 
> Finally, there are brief mentions of illness and injury, but none of those are really a concern at this point. Remus has had leukemia, but she is fine and healthy at this point.
> 
> I hope this clears up any confusion and concerns. Please enjoy this quirky little story.

When Remus first met Sirius Black in fifth grade, she never would have been able to predict the changes that would take place between them in seven short years. They were now Seniors in their last couple of months of high school, and Remus tried to enjoy the relative calm of homeroom before the other members of their self-proclaimed "Marauders" group arrived. Quietly munching on her bar of dark chocolate, she caught sight of the young man she was thinking about strutting up to her with far more pizzazz than any beautiful specimen of human kind should be able to. He waggled his eyebrows at her and she noted that his eyeliner was looking quite even and glittery today.

"Moon to my stars, are you going with anyone to the prom?" he asked far too easily, and she struggled not to blush. There were other students close enough to hear, and she felt pretty self-conscious considering the cut-throat politics of prom invitations that lots of her fellow classmates engaged in.

"Aren't you going with James?" she deflected carefully.

"Nope!" he chirped excitedly. "Lily accepted his invite!" 

She frowned. "Didn't he burn the 'Will you go to prom with me?' in her lawn? Not very creative."

"No, it wasn't, but she got a real kick seeing her dad chase his ass down the street and thought it was funny enough to accept." Sirius leaned forward, placing his perfectly manicured hands on either side of her thighs. "So, wanna go with me?"

Shoving the candy into her mouth to gain a few more minutes to think on the request, Remus gave herself a strong lecture. She was a strong independent woman who definitely did _not_ feel inferior in any way lately when she was next to this gloriously confident fiend. Her mary janes, brown pencil skirt and button up looked very nice, thank you very much. 

She didn't have to compare herself to the torn jeans, fishnet shirt peeking out from a slouchy t-shirt and leather jacket or even those jelly band bracelets and Hot Topic-esque anime arm bands. She did not have to compete with his perfectly contoured makeup , wavy hair that fell perfectly to frame his face and teeth that had never needed braces to force them into submission. This boy could not be bothered with wearing retainers every night like she did. He also seemed to be rather bare of body hair considering how dark his hair was. And no, she was not jealous of his eyebrows.

"I don't think that I want to go," she finally replied, holding her book bag in front of her body to provide extra protection against his charms.

"Psh, you can refrain from your fanfiction addiction for one night," he teased and she turned red in embarrassment. 

"I still haven't finished reading all the Simon and Baz engagement fics!" she huffed in self-righteousness and he barked laughing, leaning forward to sweep a strand of tawny hair behind her ear. 

"Simon and Baz will be there waiting for you when we get back."

"It's too late to get a dress anyway," she tried again but with a new and more practical excuse.

"You can borrow one of Andy's," he offered and she wanted to shake his perfect body and scream at him. What possessed him to think that she would look good in anything from the closet of his supermodel cousin?! 

"Those are from modeling gigs, Sirius! I'm not going to be walking around in designer dresses."

"Why not?" he huffed.

She gestured down to her body. "I'm not a size zero! And I couldn't make it look good even if I tried! I'm a mere mortal!"

"You'll look just fine," he huffed, completely unperturbed by her resistance. "And it's not like she has much use for them anyway. Won't be doing anymore modeling after her baby is born."

"Sirius..." she groaned, throwing her head back and wishing that he wasn't so good at convincing her to do crazy things.

"C'mon, Remus," he chuckled warmly against her neck. "We already hang out all the time so it's not like going to prom with me will be weird. This is just hanging out with fancier clothes."

It was getting a little warm under her collar with how shamelessly Sirius was leaning against her, so Remus carefully nudged him back with her knee against his stomach and offered a longsuffering sigh.

"Okay, fine, but nothing too crazy. And you know that my dad doesn't like me out too late."

"We can sneak you in," Sirius laughed obnoxiously before squeezing her knee and leaning back. "I'm going to go find out who Pete is bringing, and we can all plot a grand night out!"

"Carry thee on, brave knight!" she encouraged in her best Shakespearean voice before watching him gallop off down the hall to find the others.

*****

"She thinks she's hot shit," a voice echoed in the tiled restroom and Remus froze with her menstrual pad barely opened out of its package. There was no way to finish getting it out of its package without everyone in the restroom knowing what she was doing so she just didn't move. 

"I know!" another voice chimed in while two sets of feet stood at the rows of sinks. "The bitch acts like she's got ownership of Sirius or something."

"Like damn," the first girl stated in annoyance, "she couldn't be more obvious about how desperate she is! Did you see her spreading her whore legs for him during homeroom?"

Remus felt her face grew warm, and embarrassment rose up her throat as she clutched the sanitary pad tightly.

"She's been horny for him since forever, but this is just getting crazy. Sirius Black isn't someone she can horde!"

"He doesn't even like her!" the first girl continued. "He'd have already slept with her if he did. Didn't you hear that he and Marlene were fucking up till a couple of weeks ago? Hell, he's slept with half of the girls in school already. It's not like he's shy about hooking up with the girls he likes."

Hot tears welled in her eyes, but Remus took controlled slow breaths and made sure to pull her legs up so her feet wouldn't be seen by anyone looking under the stalls. Not that these girls cared who was hearing them. 

"Remus is so weird and fugly," the second girl giggled. "It's obvious that he's friends with her out of habit, you know what I mean? They've been friends for a while, right? Since primary?"

"No, middle school, I think." There was a brief pause and Remus wondered if they were applying more lip gloss. "They were definitely friends in middle school. She wore those dorky glasses back then."

"Ooh, that's right! I forgot about those!" 

The girls giggled together for a moment before the door opened and Marlene's unmistakable voice was singing an obnoxious song with Dorcas.

"Oh, hi!"

"Hi, Marlene!" one of the girls greeted. "We were just talking about the dance routine you're planning on doing for the talent show before the prom!"

The girls began chatting loudly and excitedly, so Remus did her best to swap her menstrual pad out as quietly as possible and then waited for the crowd to thin out. Warning bells went off to let them know lunch was drawing to a close, and as soon as the voices left the room Remus shimmied up her underwear, tights, and skirt and moved to quickly wash her hands and leave the restroom. 

*****

"You okay?" Peter whispered as he nudged Remus' arm. James and Sirius were at the front of the classroom and engaged in a quizzing battle courtesy of Mr. Slughorn. 

She shrugged weakly and continued doodling at the corner of her paper. "I hate chemistry," she mumbled.

"We all do," Peter whispered with a chuckle. "Except maybe Severus."

He flicked a small crumpled up ball of paper towards the mentioned dark-haired boy, and Severus glanced over his shoulder and sneered at the two. Remus offered him a lazy middle finger and those dark eyes rolled before he was back to hiding under his curtain of hair and taking notes. 

"It's not that, it's just..." She glanced back up at Sirius and then stared down at her doodle again. "Should I not hang out with you guys anymore? Is it...like a problem?"

Peter scrunched up his nose in surprise. "Uh, no? I mean, it's never been a problem. What are you talking about, Remus?"

Allowing herself another heavy sigh, Remus shrugged. "I mean, it's different now that we're older. I'm pretty much the only girl who still has close guy friends."

"So? It was pretty much the same all through high school. And middle school."

"Yeah, but you guys weren't sleeping around with everyone back then," she grumbled with a faint blush on her face. 

Peter rolled his eyes. "So? It's not like we're trying to hit on you. And we've even been good about our vows of silence regarding details, after that mess with Sirius and James competing for the kinkiest shit they could get a partner to do."

"Thank fuck for that," she whispered with a shudder. The human sexual experience was a lot more vast than she had known before that week. 

"Yeah..." Peter agreed as he stared off in the distance with a mortified expression. 

They both shook off their grossed out memories and turned back to each other. 

"Anyway, it's nothing really, Pete," she mumbled. Her hazel eyes found themselves wandering back to Sirius who was looking a bit pissed off as James pulled in the lead in the quizzing competition. "Just heard some girls talking shit about me. Nothing I should be surprised about at this point, but...yeah."

"That sucks," Peter sighed before leaning over to rummage in his backpack. "Wanna share some sour gummies? I stole them from Sirius' bag this morning."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Girls will be bitches," Peter said around a mouthful of the sugary worms. "Nothin' you can do 'bout it."

Remus pinched his soft arm half-heartedly. "I _am_ a girl."

"Yeah," he shrugged off, "but like only technically. You're too cool to be a _girl_ girl."

"What does that even mean?" she snickered, feeling her spirits lighten and a pleased warmth color her cheeks. 

"Ask James," he groaned in defeat. "I don't have the words, and that guy can never shut up. He'll extoll all your non-girl girl virtues."

The two of them fell into a laughing fit which finally caught the attention of the teacher as well as a few surrounding students.

"Ah, Lupin and Pettigrew, were you wanting to be up next?" Mr. Slughorn asked in his nasally voice.

"No sir!" they replied unanimously and attempted to smother their continued laughter. 

Soon Sirius was shoving Remus to scoot over to the next foldable chair as he came back from the front of the room, and she groaned in annoyance because that meant that she and Peter had to scoot down two seats each in order to accommodate James as well.

"Why didn't you assholes come from the other side?" Peter complained.

Sirius swung an arm around Remus' shoulders and squeezed. "Hey, are those my sour gummies?!" 

Remus grinned widely and showed off the masticated remains of his snack and then promptly almost spit them all over Sirius as he attacked her ribs with his free hand. 

"I stole some too!" Peter snorted in glee.

James was busy waggling his eyebrows at the back of Lily's head and Remus found herself putting the mean words of the other girls away. 

*****

"Leave the door open!" Hope called from the kitchen as she peeked up the stairs at the two retreating figures. 

Sirius rolled his eyes but Remus looked back down and offered a thumbs up. "Okay!"

"Merlin's beard, does she think I'm too shy to do it with a door open?" he complained under his breath. 

"You have _not_ ," Remus giggled as she hefted the pile of clothing in her arms for a better hold.

"Yes I have," he shot back with a grin that would make all parents frightened. 

"Well, not when anyone like my dad was around," she shot back and nodded her head towards Lyall Lupin's office which was located right next to her room. 

"Psh, yeah, hell no."

They both had a good laugh and then dumped the pile of dresses and designer clothing from their arms onto her bed. 

"Okay, so...how are we going to do this?" Remus asked as she scratched at the back of her head. "Do you have an outfit already picked? Are you going in a dress too? Or something else femme?"

Sirius took his time smoothing out his retro plaid mini skirt and tweaked the fishnet stockings he was wearing under them. 

"I haven't decided yet. Thought we could sort you out first and then I'd decide."

"Ugh, you're making this so difficult!" she groaned. 

"Just try on all the damned clothes, you whiner!" he laughed as he jumped back to sit on her bed and next to the two piles. "Put on a show for me!"

"I'm not even going to fit in these!" Remus pulled up the first dress and held it against her body, a slinky thing that glimmered like molten gold. 

"Just don't zip it in the back," he replied blandly, and then kicked off his boots before getting more comfortable on her bed. "Whatever, we'll get it adjusted or something."

Rolling her eyes, Remus got to work on pulling out the room divider from her closet and setting it up in the corner of her room by the computer desk. It would give her some privacy while she was changing without her having to walk back and forth from the shared bathroom on this floor.

"At least play some music for me or something, Sirius."

"M'kay," he replied easily. 

She watched him pull out his phone and began tapping away at it before she stepped behind the divider and began changing clothes. It was weird, she supposed, changing while a guy was in the room. Other girls really didn't do that unless it was with their boyfriends or something, but Remus found herself smiling fondly. This was one of the guys she had to explain menstruation to. A guy who had endured the horrors of puberty in close proximity with her. Who had run to the store and purchased sanitary pads when her period had caught her off guard after some hormonal issues in ninth grade. He'd slept in a hospital bed with her, and he'd held her hair back as she vomited in a trash bin because of a migraine. This was the fool she'd gotten a call from the night he happily lost his virginity. 

And a call the night he ran away from home.

"Here. What do you think?" 

Remus waddled out from behind the screen and prayed to the deities above that she was not about to rip the thing apart with her thighs. Some band she had never heard was playing from his phone now, and Sirius gave her the "twirl" symbol with his finger. Remus complied without complaint and then he rummaged through the pile and pulled out another dress.

"Try this one."

And so it went until dinner time. Lyall Lupin hadn't allowed the boys to have a sleepover with her once they got to high school, but every few weeks they were allowed to come over for dinner. James was grounded for wrecking his dad's motorcycle in an attempt to get some more secret practice in, and Peter was out of town visiting his grandparents, so it was just the two of them that night. As usual, Lyall barely managed to be nice and Hope asked fond questions about their plans for prom. 

After dinner the two friends were back in her room and finished up the clothes trying. 

"Ugh," Remus groaned as she fell back on the bed next to Sirius. "That was exhausting."

Sirius was staring at the ceiling. 

"Is your dad really going to stick to a 10pm curfew?" he asked hesitantly.

"Mom's been working on getting it bumped up to 11pm," she muttered tiredly, "but you know how he is."

There was some shuffling around at her side and Remus felt a large hand rest carefully against her hip. She turned her head to glance over into this stunning grey eyes.

"But...you're feeling okay, right? Like...it's not because..."

Remus shook her head. "Nah. He just doesn't want me being tempted by the dark side."

"Okay, cool," Sirius breathed in relief.

She'd been in remission since 9th grade. Leukemia had come for her twice already, once when she was 5 and again between middle and high school. Braces and a bald head hadn't been good for her self-esteem, but the photograph of the rest of the Marauders gang surrounding her with their horribly shiny scalps was always tucked in her wallet. 

"I'm fine, Sirius," she reiterated as she felt the hand clench a bit more tightly against her hip. Once she laid her hand over his, the tension eased and they laid in silence for a few more minutes.

"He's not going to make you wear a chastity belt or anything, is he?" Sirius blurted out next and Remus choked on her spit as she burst out in a laughing and coughing fit. 

Sirius grinned wickedly and laughed along with her.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

Remus glanced over at James who was currently doing a better job than she was at keeping the pencil trapped between his nose and upper lip. "What?" James began making his eyebrows dance and her smile in response made the pencil drop. "Ah, damn it! James, that's cheating!"

He relaxed his lips and easily caught the pencil in his hand. "Who do you think is hotter? Me or Sirius?"

The question made her roll her eyes. "Come on, James. If you need me to stroke you ego, just say it. I have lots of nice things to say about you."

"Nah, I'm really just curious," he shot back as he stretched his arms lazily overhead. A strip of dark skin was revealed as his snug shirt rode up with the gesture.

"Hmm, what're the qualifying factors?" Remus responded curiously as she leaned her chin on her palm. 

Sirius was making dramatic arm gestures from across the room begging for attention while Peter had his head buried in a book for that English essay due next period. Their study period was usually held in the library and Ms. Pince had long ago learned to keep their group of friends (particularly Sirius and James) separated if she wanted any hope for peace.

James shot her an odd look. "What do you mean by that? We're hot - that's obvious - it's just a question of who's objectively hotter."

"But it's not really that easy," she whispered, ducking her head and pretending to read her chemistry book as those watchful eyes glared over at them. "I mean, the degree of hotness isn't exactly objective. It's subjective. Different people find different things attractive, so how am I supposed to make the winning call on that?"

"You don't have to make is so hard," he chuckled before nudging her with his elbow. "Who do _you_ think is hotter?"

Hazel eyes glanced up towards the ceiling as Remus thought about it. She could definitely appreciate the both of them aesthetically, each in their own way. James had much larger and defined muscles from all the working out he did, his untamable hair was endearing, and his smile could light the whole continent. Sirius was an exciting person but had a bit more edginess with his bold clothing and accessory choices, had perfectly sculpted facial features, and was the tallest of all four of them. Both were kind-hearted, although James showed it far more easily. After the horrors of puberty, both of their skins cleared up quite nicely.

"This is hard," she whispered and James snickered. 

"You're not getting graded on this!" he whispered back. "Just off the top of your head, which one?"

Why was this such an easy question to him and a difficult one for her?

"I don't...ugh, this is impossible."

"Okay, how about this. Which one of us would you date? Obviously not saying you actually have to date one of us, but if you did, which one would you pick?"

An answer flashed through her mind immediately, but she ignored it for the better option of analyzing every detail.

"Hmmm, well, you both have terrible reputations when it comes to staying with a girl for an extended period of time, but you're both very sweet..."

"Merlin's beard, girl," he groaned before ducking his head into a book again.

"Mr. Potter you'll be earning another demerit if you keep it up," Ms. Pince warned in annoyance and Sirius made a big show of silently laughing.

James waved off the librarian and flipped a page while Remus continued to contemplate the pros and cons of dating each of the two.

*****

"Hi!" Lily greeted as Remus stepped into the limousine followed by Sirius.

"Hi, Lily!" she greeted back before reaching over her prom date and waving at her parents. The chauffer closed the door, and then she turned back to the other girl. "Aw, you look great!"

"You too!"

James had already undone his bow tie and loosened a couple of buttons on his shirt. "We've just got to pick up Mary and then we'll be off to the school," he explained. 

"What time did your dad settle on?" Peter shouted over the music already blaring. 

"Ten thirty!" Sirius replied in offense. "It's like the man doesn't trust us or something!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "For good reason!"

"Hey, your dad said till midnight!" Sirius shot back. "And that was after James lit the yard on fire!"

They rest of the group burst out laughing and James shrugged shamelessly before reaching down and pulling out a bottle of sparkling grape juice. "Get yo glasses out, bitches!"

After picking up the last member of their party, the teens requested a quick stop at Braum's for food and then they were on their way to the prom. Remus threw her legs over Sirius' thighs as he swirled two fries in her milkshake for maximum coating.

"This is an abomination, you know," he declared as he pulled the fries out.

"Yeah, yeah," she laughed before opening her mouth wide and accepting the treat. 

Lily and Mary were chatting away excitedly about their science fair projects as they sipped on their shakes and James scarfed down a burger with one hand while he had the other arm slung casually over Lily's shoulders. Peter was listening to the girls' conversation with interest and Remus smiled happily for her friends. She was glad that Peter got the nerve to ask Mary out tonight; she was a sweet girl and the two seemed to enjoy similar things. 

A cold smear across her cheek made her jerk back. "Ugh! Sirius!"

He just barked in laughter before shoving the chocolate shake covered fries in her indignant mouth. "Your fault for not paying attention to me," he explained.

She moved a hand up to wipe at her cheek, but his reflexes were fast and her caught hold of her wrist. With a wink he leaned in close to her, slow enough that she could back away if she wanted to, but Remus just froze. His nose nudged her cheekbone a second before the warm wetness of his tongue dragged across her cheek to lap up the chocolate. His tongue softly paused at the corner of her lips before he pressed teasingly at it and then withdrew. 

Remus' breath hitched, and she felt the heat burning on her cheeks, but none of that stopped her from using her free hand to lightly punch at his shoulder. He laughed softly, those stormy eyes glittering. Sirius Black was a very mischievous boy and she loved it. 

In short order, they arrived at the school and James leapt out of the vehicle first to offer the driver a large tip while the man waited for them to finish up. 

"He's cool with taking you and Remus home early if the rest of us decide to stay here," James shouted at Sirius as he took Lily's hand and started walking towards the lit up gymnasium doors. 

Sirius gave James a thumbs up and then offered his arm to Remus. She smoothed out the front and back of her dress, a mashup of two of the gowns Sirius got from his cousin, and then took his arm. The leather jacket he was wearing over his almost sheer button-up smelled almost fresh, and Remus wondered if people sent their leather stuff to the cleaners. 

They joined the line in to the building and were soon getting their photos taken by the already frazzled yearbook club members. Remus felt a bit self-conscious at all the photos being taken of them and tucked a strand of wavy hair behind her ear. She hadn't really considered this aspect of going to the prom with her super hot friends. Lily looked so natural standing next to James, her bright red lips matching her hair and the chic green jumpsuit hugging her thin figure in a flattering way. Even Mary looked comfortable in her dress, the ruffles tastefully highlighting her curvy figure and a bold neckline revealing some cleavage. 

Glancing down at her high top converse shoes and her semi-casual dress, Remus wondered if it might be a good idea to hide out in the restrooms for a bit. Or maybe hang around the food table. Her dress was lovely, the top part belonging to that shimmery gold dress and the red tulle bottom matching Sirius' red trousers, but it almost seemed childish compared to all the other girls at the prom. She hadn't thought something like this would have bothered her, and it might not have if there weren't so many cell phones and cameras pointed in their direction. 

Remus knew from experience that the flash on the cameras would highlight the scars on her face, and there were very few angles that would flatter her rather ordinary face. Anxiety swelled in her chest and up her throat, and Remus leaned in to offer a shouted excuse to Sirius before she was dashing off to the restroom. 

The ones closest to the gym were already overflowing so she ducked under the rope warning students to stay out of the school building proper, and made her way to the restrooms by the library. Everything was more still and quiet back there, and Remus found that she could actually start to breath again. Her hands were shaking a little as she softly touched at the scars on her face, and out of force of habit she took the deep breaths that had long been used to aid in controlling her anxiety. 

"You okay, Moony?"

Blinking softly, Remus realized that she was still standing in the hall right outside of the restrooms, her back against the carpeted wall. 

"'m fine," she replied softly.

Sirius leaned against the wall next to her and scooted out his legs further so that he would be more level with her. "Do you want to leave? We don't need to stay."

Her hands dropped to her side and she shook her head. "Nah. I'm okay, Padfoot." 

The use of their childish nicknames for each other calmed her even more. It sent her back to their younger years when she could still out arm-wrestle Peter, and all that the four of them worried about was coming up with ridiculous pranks and passing their tests. Things had gotten a little weird in high school. She was sick at the beginning and then suddenly the boys were changing and dating girls and gaining popularity. All four of them had always been the dorky nerds, but after puberty the good-looking genes kicked in, and she was left wondering what the heck had happened. 

Remus didn't feel very grown up, even as they all talked about college applications and moving into dorms or apartments.

Fingers pinched at her thigh lightly. "Do you want me to bring you something? Or maybe we could break into the storage room and climb up to the rafters to watch the party from up there."

Chuckling in amusement, Remus nudged Sirius' shoulder with her own. "That sounds fun, but James will want to join in and we'd be caught for sure."

"Forget James," Sirius murmured as he pulled himself off the wall and stood in front of her. 

Their height difference was exaggerated as she was slumped down the wall a little, and she stared up at him curiously. Sirius had a strange look on his face, something that she didn't remember seeing before, and she wondered what he was thinking. Warm hands wrapped around her upper arms and he leaned forward to rest his forehead against hers, his breath smelling of that fruity vaping crap he had started up with recently. 

He was so close and her eyes slid shut seemingly of their own accord. What was happening?

"Remus? Are you okay? I've got some medicine!" 

Sirius jerked back as Lily's voice rang down the hall. Remus nearly jumped out of her skin and immediately flushed, feeling terribly guilty. For what, she wasn't sure. 

"I'm fine!" she yelled back just as Lily rounded the corner. 

"Phew, it's hot in there already!" Lily chirped with a smile. She nodded at Sirius and then took Remus by the arm and tugged her into the restroom. "Let's freshen up a bit. See you in the gym, Sirius!"

The dark-haired boy nodded and stepped back again as he ran his fingers through his perfectly maintained hair. 

Remus followed Lily into the restroom and did her best to will away the blood that was surely painting her cheeks rouge. They washed their hands and Lily pulled out her makeup wipes and her compact to take care of her barely smudged lipstick. Remus grinned and shook her head.

"Did you give one of those wipes to James, or is he walking around the gym with lipstick?"

Lily snickered and shook her head. "As tempting as it was to let him, I did provide a wipe."

"He'd look good in lipstick," Remus offered and Lily laughed.

"James Potter would look good no matter what," she sighed before coughing to cover up the wistfulness in her voice. "But don't tell him that, Remus, or he'll never be able to get over himself."

"Duly noted."

Remus watched as the other girl effortlessly redid her makeup and then tucked everything away in her handbag. "I do have some medicine if you're feeling nauseated or have a headache."

"I'm fine," she replied again. "It was just a bit crowded in there. I'm fine now."

Green eyes glanced at Remus from the mirror. "So, are you and Sirius a thing now?"

Merlin be damned, that flush raced up her neck and face again and Remus glanced away from the mirror.

"Why would you think that?" she asked as calmly as she could muster.

"He's just seemed really into you lately," Lily replied casually. 

"We're just like we always are, Lily. There's nothing else going on."

"Okay." The red-head smacked her lips one more time and straightened up. "You know, there's nothing wrong with liking one of your friends."

 _"Easy for you to say,"_ Remus thought. _"You're the one who rejected_ your _friend."_ Severus had been left a bit embarrassed about the ordeal for a while.

The two girls walked back quietly to the party and were able to duck the security officer doing the rounds. Once they made it back to their group, James lit up and pulled Lily up close to him for a dance. Mary was laughing boisterously as she tried to keep up with Peter, and Sirius was swaying with Marlene. As soon as he caught Remus' eye he leaned in to whisper at the other girl's ear and then he was walking over to his prom date.

"Wanna dance?" he asked easily, the colors from the lights above highlighting his well placed eyeliner and contours. 

"Nothing crazy, okay?" she shouted back over the deafening roar of other students and music. 

He nodded and pulled her close with his hands on her hips. They swayed and side-stepped together for a few songs, laughing and jumping up and down with the others when the year's catchiest pop song came on. The "Cupid Shuffle" came on shortly after and both James and Sirius took it quite seriously, making Remus snort from laughing so hard. 

Then it was the "Macarena" and she couldn't help but jump in with Peter to show off to those clowns. Mary was practically in tears from laughing so hard as Remus and Peter added a few generous hip wiggles to their routine and James had to tap out with the desperate need of wiping down his glasses thanks to his crying from laughter. Sirius made a valiant effort to keep up with them but by the end of the song he was bowing to their superior Macarena-ing. 

"You guys are ridiculous!" Lily laughed as she struggled not to collapse from James leaning against her.

"Yup!" Remus agreed as she fanned herself. "Anyone else thirsty?"

They all gathered by the table and gulped down the punch, only slightly disappointed that it hadn't been spiked yet. As the party really began to ramp up James gestured for the Marauders to pull over to a corner. Lily and Mary glanced at them curiously, but all four of them ducked their heads together. 

"Is everything in place, Wormtail?" James asked mischievously.

"Everything on my list, yeah."

"Padfoot?"

"Pfft, of course."

"And I've got the trigger," Remus added as she shook her handbag. 

"Alright, guys," he cheered. "Let's wait one more song, okay?"

They broke the huddle and high-fived before heading back into the crowd. Bursting with excitement, Remus found herself dancing less self-consciously with Sirius, even grinding up against him a bit. His smile was contagious and she threw her arms around his shoulders as best as she could, while his arms wrapped around her waist. They were both getting plenty sweaty with the exertion and the heat of all the other students, but Remus found herself not feeling uncomfortable or wanting the night to end. Her heart was pounding wildly, and in a room of so many other worked up people it didn't seem so bad. 

Sirius was nosing against her hair and Remus got a face full of his floral scented waves; she giggled at the absurdity of his hair smelling more fantastic than hers before tilting her head and burrowing her face against his damp neck. That leather jacket was probably absolute hell to be in right now and she muffled her laughter over that against his skin. It was all intoxicating, and she hadn't even had any alcohol. 

"Showtime, Moony," Sirius whispered into her ear before mouthing against the skin just under the lobe. 

Hazel eyes glazed and she felt an unfamiliar thrill race through her body. She was so close, touching so much of him, and being crushed around by the crowd. Her hand fumbled with the handbag, and she flipped the switch through the soft-skinned item. Gold and red exploded above them, shocking almost everyone in the room and eliciting squeals of excitement and awe. Remus gasped as she felt teeth drag lightly down her neck and her fingers dug into the heavy shoulders of the leather jacket. More explosions were going off, showering the crowd in golden sparks before the finale of gold and red confetti was raining down on everyone and probably absolutely ticking off the cleaning crew.

The teenagers were cheering and applauding while the adults were scrambling to make sure that nothing had actually caught on fire. Was this stunt dangerous? Yes. Irresponsible? Absolutely. But Remus couldn't find an ounce of regret as she clung to Sirius and felt him clinging back. 


	3. Chapter 3

Going back to the normalcy of school after the experience of prom made Remus feel out of sorts. The students who had been dancing all together in one large mass were once again separated by their cliques and all the colorful outfits were exchanged for the usual attire of bored and exhausted high schoolers. 

"Sorry you got grounded from you phone," Peter greeted with a yawn as he came up next to her at the lockers. "Did you get it back yet?"

"Yeah," she replied tiredly. "Hey, did you get the math homework done?"

"Oh shit, we had homework?!"

Remus groaned and banged her head against the metal door. 

"Starting off the week with doom and gloom?!" James greeted exuberantly.

"Please tell me you have the math homework finished," she begged. 

"Of course!"

"Are you losers already kissing James' ass this morning?" Sirius snickered as he strutted up to them. 

"He has the key to our salvation in math!" Peter declared as he made grabby hands at James.

"Nuh, uh, not till you guys give me something good in return!" James laughed while pulling his backpack out of reach. 

"Uh, James? Can I talk to you?"

All four sets of eyes turned to see Lily Evans standing close by with her lips pressed in a tight line and her arms crossed over her chest. James immediately shoved his bag into Sirius' hand and rushed over to her. "Of course! Yeah! What's up?"

She pulled him aside and began whispering which made the other three glance at each other nervously.

"Did anything happen after Sirius and I left?" Remus asked quietly.

Even though she and Sirius did indeed leave the party early, her arrival at home at 11pm had earned her the loss of her phone over the weekend. She had the device now, but hadn't bothered charging it yet or turning it on, and was afraid that she had missed out on something important.

"No!" Peter whispered. "Everything went great. When the limo came back we all got in and took it to the Potters house where we partied on until, like, 3am or something. Lily and James were fine."

Remus looked to Sirius for answers but he just shrugged. "Mom and Dad made us clean up all weekend but they were texting a lot."

The bell was ringing in warning, urging students to get to their homeroom or suffer the consequences, but James gestured for all of them to stay put. He looked pretty pissed off which made Remus even more nervous. James was one of the most laid-back people she knew, not letting much more than a bad performance on the field or court put him a foul mood. Sports were already over this year, so she wasn't sure what to expect. Lily looked on the verge of tears and James took a deep breath before ruffling the back of his hair in aggravation. The two nodded and then walked back to the near-panicking friends.

"By Godric, please tell me you aren't pregnant," Peter blurted out and Lily startled in surprise.

"What?! No!"

"We haven't even slept with each other yet!" James blurted out before glancing quickly at Lily and then looking away in embarrassment. His skin was too dark for the friends to see him blush, but they all recognized that face. "Ahem, anyway..."

"No, it's..." Lily sighed and then rubbed her temples. She looked exhausted. "Remus, you've been posted on _the_ _Dungeon_."

Remus blanched and felt herself stumble back against the lockers.

"Who the fuck-" 

Sirius was already fuming and ranting with James eagerly adding fuel to his rage, and Peter nervously shuffled as he offered a few feeble words meant to calm them down.

"No!" Sirius snapped as he shoved Peter away with a lot less force than he was capable of. "This is bullshit!"

"Guys," Remus found herself muttering, the daze still wrapping itself around her mind. "Guys. This is...it's..." She took a deep breath and shook her head. "This is nothing."

"It's not nothing!" Sirius argued back, but she forced herself to stand up and face him head on. 

"Sirius, James...it's nothing. Thank you for telling us, Lily."

"But Remus," the other girl tried, "we should take it to the principal and-"

"No." This time she shook her head with more conviction. "Look, it's about me, and I don't care. People can say whatever they want about me. Graduation is almost here, so it doesn't even matter."

"But-"

She turned on her heel and slammed the door of her locker shut just as the tardy bell rang. It was the end of the discussion.

*****

Remus hid in the restroom as she finally booted up her phone and pulled up the horrid website known among the students as _the Dungeon_. It was a gossip page of the worst kind, often rating girls in levels of hotness as well as how "slutty" they were. Videos and pictures could be downloaded to humiliate and bully students, but the worst ones were usually saved for "profile" posts. Each one featured a particular student and proceeded to bash them and despoil their reputation as much as possible. It was nothing but a hate fueled dumpster fire, and this week it was her turn.

Swallowing thickly, Remus scrolled down to see a picture of her standing nervously at the prom with the word "TRASH" written over it in digital ink. The post started off by stating that she had been a student representative every year of high school despite having a terrible attendance record for the first two years, before barreling down the accusations of favoritism by the staff and faculty that she milked to her advantage because of her cancer diagnosis years ago. 

The author or authors accused her of cheating on every final and having her friends steal answer keys for her so that she wouldn't flunk out of a grade and fall behind. Her ghastly detention record was brought up (thanks to her involvement with James and Sirius) and she was accused of sleeping with all three of her friends so that she could control them to get whatever she wanted.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as the post continued. A cheater. A whore. A liar. Dumb. Ugly. Dealt in drugs back when she was on Chemo. And on and on...

Like most good hit-pieces, the truth was sprinkled in generously with the lies. Remus did have an atrocious attendance record for her first two years, something that was due to her health issues and that normally would have disqualified her from serving on the student council. As it was, Principal Dumbledore had a rather soft spot for her and was always eager to work with her and her parents and provided leniency in order to help her academic record. 

And while she didn't cheat on every final exam, Remus did copy off of James and Sirius a lot to get through the enormous amounts of math and science homework that they were given. Those were subjects she had always struggled with, and had found that if she could spend her time studying select questions and going through several different textbooks about each topic, she could learn a lot better than when she struggled through each and every question assigned. 

The stolen test key was actually something that happened in middle school, but it had been a test of their guts more than anything else. It had been one of the scariest moments in her life, and afterwards the four of them had a good laugh about it. The teacher had quickly realized that the key was gone, though, and made all the students take a new test the next day.

Comments were already filling below the post, and Remus only made it through a few before she shut off the device and buried her face in her sweater to cry as silently as possible. How could this many people dislike her? What had she ever done to anyone besides help out at student council sponsored events and cheer on the sports teams that James and Sirius involved themselves in?

Taking slow, deep breaths, Remus straightened up and dabbed at her eyes with some of the toilet paper before she went and washed her face at the sinks. Her scars had slightly pinkened from the crying, but there was nothing that could be done about it so she walked out as calmly as she could. Sirius was leaning against the wall outside of the bathroom, his expression murderous. 

Remus said nothing and Sirius fumed next to her.

*****

It didn't take long for the teachers to find out about the post on Remus, but as per the norm there was nothing that could really be done. Everything was anonymous, and even though it was obvious bullying, there was nothing legally actionable. Remus felt even more humiliated when her parents were called in and had to read that article for themselves. 

She promised to tell the teachers if any of the students started bullying her outside of the cyber realm and then that was that. There were only a few more weeks left of school and then it would be their last summer break before college started. There were finals to study for, and Lyall Lupin finally bent enough to allow her and the other Marauders to go to each other's homes most evenings for strict study sessions. 

Sirius fell into one of his moods, something akin to a depressive episode but with a lot more bite and pent up anger. No one was safe from his verbal barbs and he and James even showed up at school one morning with bruised up faces and knuckles from fighting each other. Remus just did her best to follow in Peter's example. Keep your head down as much as possible, don't talk to other people (the Marauders didn't count), and don't draw attention to yourself. 

Hope Lupin had planned a movie night for the evening after their last tests, and soon enough they were all squeezed into one couch tiredly, thrilled to _finally_ be done with it all. Grades needed to be registered and then a graduation ceremony before they were officially high school graduates.

"If I never look at a piece of paper again," Peter groaned, "it will be too soon."

"We're all deciding that college isn't going to be a thing, right?" James moaned, one arm thrown over Sirius and the other over Peter. "I mean, we could all live off my family's money, yeah?"

"Your dad will feed us," Remus agreed half-heartedly as she leaned against the arm of the couch and tucked her sock-covered feet under Sirius' thigh. "He likes us."

She glanced over at Sirius, but his lips were still tugged into a deep frown and he looked just as stressed as he did before the finals. It was frustrating and she was getting sick and tired of his pissy attitude. All it did was remind her of the very thing she was trying to move past and ignore. Quoting through _The Princess Bride_ wasn't half as fun without Sirius spicing it up, and by the time they were changing movies and her parents were going out to pick up the pizza (because heaven forbid that they pay a delivery fee), Remus had had enough.

"Sirius, can I talk to you?" she grit out as she shot him a glare. 

He glanced back at her and set his lips in that infuriatingly stubborn way, and Remus had the fleeting thought that she hoped that she would never become a teacher and have to deal with students like him. Or any of the Marauders for that matter, except maybe Peter.

"What?" he snapped.

She jerked her head towards the staircase, her tawny hair giving a feeble bounce before going limp again. The damned waves in it never made it through the day regardless of what products she used. 

"In private." He made a great big show of huffing in annoyance, but Sirius did stand to his feet and made his way to the stairs. "Don't wait on us," she muttered to James before marching towards Sirius and following him up to her room. She left the door open out of habit.

"What do you want?" he asked condescendingly when she stepped in the room, his arms crossed over his chest and his hip cocked. 

Even without perfectly done makeup and hair, the bastard still looked beautiful and it annoyed Remus even more. Why was it so easy for him to pull off the sweat-shirt crop top and dark joggers while she had to stay consistent with her plain skirts and jumpers just to avoid being called unflattering names? Why was he always overflowing with confidence even on his darkest days? Why did Sirius Black have to be not only the most beautiful person she knew, but also the smartest and most talented? James obviously ranked up pretty high there as well, but there had always been something just a bit different about Sirius to her. 

And it made her angry.

"Why are you being such an asshole?" she hissed out even though no one else was on the second floor with them. 

"I'm always an asshole," he snarled back venomously. "I've always been one and always will be, so what the fuck's your problem?"

"That's not true!" Remus snapped. "You're not always an asshole, but you do choose to be one pretty often!" She took a shaky breath before continuing. "And look, I know that you're upset about _the Dungeon_ thing, but it's about me and I want us to just forget about it so that I can move on, okay?"

"You can't just run away from everything, Remus!" Sirius shot back angrily. "You can't keep letting people walk over you all your life! Some people are shitty and you aren't obligated to put up with it just because you're afraid of confrontation!"

"I'm in a confrontation now, aren't I?!" she shouted, her eyes welling with tears and her neck burning with anger and anxiety. "And that's exactly what you've been doing, Sirius! Walking all over me, and James, and Peter, just because what I want doesn't line up with what you think I should want!"

"Shit!" Sirius yelled out in frustration as he turned his back on Remus and settled his hands angrily on his hips to keep from throwing things or otherwise causing damage. "Fucking shit!"

It wasn't very often that Remus got into an argument with any of the other guys, and she felt sick to her stomach with it. But Sirius couldn't keep doing this.

"Look, I know you're upset, okay? I am too! But I'd much rather try to enjoy my last moments of high school with my friends. I want to have fun at graduation instead of being scared or sad or otherwise upset." She was walking towards him now hesitantly. "And whoever put that shit up about me probably isn't even going to be at college with us. And if they are, who cares? College is way bigger than high school and people will be too busy with their own shit to worry about harassing me."

"They shouldn't get off scot-free like that!" he hissed, still visibly trying to reign himself in. 

"There's nothing we can do, so please....let's just...enjoy our time, okay?"

"Damn it, Moony," Sirius growled before he turned and looked at her helplessly. "You're always making things more difficult for me." He stepped forward and easily cupped her face with his warm hands. "You're always thinking better of me than I think of myself, and I can't...I just..."

Remus swallowed thickly and could feel her heart racing. He had that look on his face again, a mixture of pain, frustration, and...something that she couldn't identify. But it was molten and it made her tremble. 

"I don't know what you want me to say," she whispered back, finding her gaze helplessly drawn to his mouth. 

"I want to kiss you, Remus," he confessed quietly and stepped even closer. "I want to hold you, and date you, and make you _mine_. I'm a bastard, but you're still here. You're always here for me."

"So is James and Peter," she mumbled, not sure what else to say.

"Yeah, but I don't want to be with them like this." He leaned forward and took a shaky breath as he nuzzled his nose against hers. "Can I kiss you?"

"I..."

"You can say no," he added quickly, still forehead-to-forehead with her. "I don't want to mess everything up."

"I'm not Lily," Remus blurted out and Sirius pulled back with a confused look on his face.

"Wha-?"

Remus nearly smacked her own face in embarrassment at her awkwardness, but decided the better option was to step forward and place her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm not Lily, because I'm not going to say no," she tried to explain. "And I'd like to kiss you too."

Arms wrapped around her waist, and before she knew it there were lips pressing against hers and Remus felt like the world melted away. Those lips knew what they were doing, and they were _doing_ things to her. Her fingers tangled into his hair as she did her best to keep up with his frantic pace. 

"Pizza's here!" James shouted up in warning. 

Sirius pulled away slowly, his lips lingering for just an extra second before they slipped away. "Fuck the pizza," he whispered heatedly. "I just want you."

"My dad will never let you in the house again," she whispered back, hands still buried in those thick locks. 

"It'll be worth it," he chuckled, fingers dipped under the hem of her sweater and teasing at the skin of her lower back. "Fuck, I'll make it worth it."

Remus snorted in amusement and shook her head against his collarbones as her hands slid down his neck, chest, and then settled as his hips. "If your performance is really that good, Mr. Padfoot, then I'll want a repeat of it."

"Fine," Sirius snorted in amusement before he leaned down and kissed her breathless once more. "Another time."

The kitchen door to the garage opened and Hope was excitedly chatting away about the new coupons she got and how she could use them for the graduation party.

*****

**Moony (1:03am)** : Sooooo, what are we, exactly?

> **Padfoot (1:04am)** : humans, lol

**Moony (1:04am)** : You know what I mean, jerk.

> **Padfoot: (...)**

Remus chewed on her lip as she waited for Sirius to finish typing out his message. The guys had only been gone for an hour but she was finding it impossible to sleep. Her body was still alight from the crazy few seconds that she and Sirius kissed. Eating dinner and finishing the movies went as it normally did under her parents' supervision. Sirius reached out to take her hand at one point, but she had jerked her hand away.

Was she scared? Of who? Her dad? Sirius? Did she just not like holding hands? Or was it the idea of holding hands with someone who had expectations? Expectations that she wasn't clear on.

> **Padfoot (1:07am)** : I'd say we're still friends, right?

**Moony (1:07am)** : yeah

**Moony (1:07am)** : I think so too. I mean, I want to stay friends. I don't want that to ever change.

> **Padfoot (1:07am)** : me too

**Moony (1:10am)** : So...I guess that I'm asking if this...whatever this is...is going to change that.

She didn't have to wait long for a response.

> **Padfoot (1:11am)** : no
> 
> **Padfoot (1:11am)** : hell no
> 
> **Padfoot (1:12am)** : we're still friends and maybe a little bit more now.

**Moony (1:12am)** : ...okay

> **Padfoot (1:14am)** : okay?
> 
> **Padfoot (1:14am)** : you don't sound happy
> 
> **Padfoot (1:14am)** : if you don't want any more, that's fine too. i'll obviously have some hurt feelings, but that's life. it won't stop us from being friends.
> 
> **Padfoot (1:14am)** : i want you to be happy

**Moony (1:15am)** : wow, take a breath

**Moony (1:16am)** : I'd just like a bit more clarification on "this"

> **Padfoot (1:16am)** : uh, okay
> 
> **Padfoot (1:28am)** : clarification - i want to kiss you
> 
> **Padfoot (1:28am)** : and hold you
> 
> **Padfoot (1:29am)** : and get between the sheets with you
> 
> **Padfoot (1:29am)** : and a million other things to be close to you
> 
> **Padfoot (1:29am)** : that clear enough
> 
> **Padfoot (1:30am)** : ?

Remus buried her heated face into her pillow and giggled incredulously for a moment before responding.

**Moony (1:31am)** : Damn, Padfoot. Are you proposing to me?

> **Padfoot (1:34am)** : i will if that's what you want.
> 
> **Padfoot (1:35am)** : i want you any and every way i can
> 
> **Padfoot (1:35am)** : however you want to label that is fine with me
> 
> **Padfoot (1:36am)** : by the way, this is totally weird to be texting out, especially when Prongs is rubbing my feet.

**Moony (1:36am)** : LMFAO

**Moony (1:37am)** : Why is he rubbing your feet??!!! :'D

> **Padfoot (1:38am)** : the sucker lost a bet

**Moony (1:39am)** : lol, you guys are ridiculous.

> **Padfoot (1:40am)** : he's going to have to lick my toes too

**Moony (1:40am)** : Ewwwwww

> **Padfoot (1:41am)** : ah, no foot fetish for you? ;)

**Moony (1:41am)** : barf

**Moony (1:42am)** : And don't remind me of that shit competition the two of you had.

**Moony (1:42am)** : it'll put me off for good.

> **Padfoot (1:43am)** : okay, okay
> 
> **Padfoot (1:43am)** : now it's your turn
> 
> **Padfoot (1:43am)** : what do you want?
> 
> **Padfoot (1:44am)** : wanna do the do with me?

**Moony (1:44am)** : Merlin's beard...

> **Padfoot (1:44am)** : Extreme flirting?
> 
> **Padfoot (1:45am)** : dunking the dingus?
> 
> **Padfoot (1:45am)** : LMAO

**Moony (1:45am)** : WHAT?! :'D 

> **Padfoot (1:46am)** : haha, shit, I'm sending you the link

Remus smothered her laugh as she clicked over to the link revealing "400 euphemisms for sexual intercourse."

**Moony (1:48am)** : FENORKING?!!!

> **Padfoot (1:49am)** : ferking

**Moony (1:49am)** : FILLING THE CREAM DONUT?!!!!!!!!!

**Moony (1:49am)** : I am dead. 

**Moony (1:50am)** : deceased

**Moony (1:51am)** : And if my dad busts in here and takes my phone because I'm laughing too loudly, I'm letting him see the crap you're sending my way.

> **Padfoot (1:52am)** : i suppose it's only fair for him to know what kind of guy his daughter is talking about getting engaged to
> 
> **Padfoot (1:52am)** : ;)

**Moony (1:53am)** : making bacon

**Moony (1:53am)** : what the hell is half of these?

**Moony (1:53am)** : hiding the Nazi?

> **Padfoot (1:54am)** : must be 'cause of the salute
> 
> **Padfoot (1:54am)** : ba dum ch!

**Moony (1:55am)** : I'm rethinking everything. 

> **Padfoot (1:56am)** : :(

**Moony (1:56am)** : Oh no, the Pope is in this list too.

> **Padfoot (1:57am)** : pants-off dance-off is a good one

**Moony (1:58am)** : Plonking. Now we're getting somewhere.

> **Padfoot (1:59am)** : i hope your dad isn't getting a copy of these when he gets the bill
> 
> **Padfoot (2:00am)** : probably the most incriminating shit i've ever texted

**Moony (2:00am)** : Yeah, we usually save these convos for real life.

> **Padfoot (2:01am)** : texting is real
> 
> **Padfoot (2:01am)** : just not face-to-face

**Moony (2:02am)** : Pronging! Tell that one to Prongs!

> **Padfoot (2:03am)** : he is not as amused as you and i are, Moony

**Moony (2:03am)** : booooo

> **Padfoot (2:05am)** : yeah, what a loser
> 
> **Padfoot (2:06am)** : shaboinking

**Moony (2:06am)** : Sklooging

> **Padfoot (2:07am)** : yentzing?

**Moony (2:07am)** : Let's go zig-zagging! ;)

> **Padfoot (2:07am)** : lol

Remus put the phone down for a minute and tried to calm her nerves. Sure, they were joking now, but it didn't take away from the heavy words before. Sirius was being honest and open with her and she wanted to be open and honest with him.

**Moony (2:11am)** : I wanna do those things with you too, Sirius.

**Moony (2:12am)** : It just feels kind of weird because we don't know so much.

**Moony (2:13am)** : Like which scholarships I got yet. Can't go to school without money.

> **Padfoot (2:13am)** : it'll work out

**Moony (2:14am)** : But what if we go to different colleges?

> **Padfoot (2:15am)** : we'll make it work, Remus.
> 
> **Padfoot (2:16am)** : i mean, you're not going to stop being my friend for any of those reasons, right?

**Moony (2:16am)** : Hmm, that's true.

**Moony (2:17am)** : But what about all the pretty girls you'll meet? I don't want to get into something like this just to have you dump me when you find someone more interesting.

After a couple of minutes of no response, Remus turned off the screen and groaned in frustration. Had that been pushing things too far? They'd barely even kissed and she was already getting possessive. But...

"I don't want to be just another notch on his belt," she whispered to the ceiling. "I want to mean something special to him. And besides, bringing up concerns and clarifying expectations are _not_ being possessive."

Remus started dozing off as she waited for the buzz of a text to come through when a sharp rap at her window made her jump.

"Quick, let me in before I fall!" 

"What the hell, Sirius?!" she squeaked as she raced to open her window and helped pull him in. 

"That pipe is not as easy to climb as it looked," he huffed with a laugh before wincing and quieting down. "Hey, I thought that you might need this."

Arms cold from being outside, and probably on his motorcycle, wrapped around her shoulders and squeezed tightly.

"You wanted to deliver a hug?" she whispered against his chest.

"I wanted you to know that you're special to me, Moony. We've been friends a long time and I wouldn't intentionally do anything to damage that relationship. Ditching you for another chick on a whim seems like a pretty quick way to fuck things up, doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

"So it's safe to assume that I don't have any plans on ditching you for another girl just because she's pretty. I like you just fine."

"What if you get bored with me?"

Sirius shrugged without loosening his grip. "You bore me all the time, so that's nothing new."

"You ass!" Remus snickered as she slapped his arm.

That mischievous face grinned down at her and Remus couldn't help but lean up and place a friendly peck on his lips. 

"Hey, mind if I lay down for a bit?" he yawned tiredly. "I rode the bike here and then parked it a block away so that I wouldn't wake up your dad. 'M tired."

"Sure," she yawned back and made room for him on the bed. He slipped off his jacket and boots quietly and slid in under the thin sheets with her. Summer was already coming. "I like your nails," Remus added as she got more comfortable. "Did James do them for you?"

"It was a whole pedicure and manicure," Sirius whispered in reply with another grin. "I made him get me new polish and everything."

"You're a bastard," came the sleepy response. "Oh, and before I zonk off, I...I don't want you to think that I don't want to hold your hand or not tell the others or anything. It just...felt weird. Especially around my parents."

"Okay. I get it. Can we tell the other guys tomorrow, then? I'm excited to spill the beans."

"Sure."

"How about kissing?"

The scarred nose wrinkled as she considered it. "Honestly? I'd rather not do that in front of other people. Kinda weird. I mean, dating is weird to me in general, which is probably why I've been asking so many questions. How's it going to be different than our regular hanging out?"

Sirius shrugged. "It's different because you know that you mean something different to the other person. I mean, maybe it just depends on the people?"

"It would feel really weird if you started treating me any differently," she confessed quietly. "I like you because of how we are now. I mean, the kissing and other stuff can be a thing too. Not saying that it can't, just...maybe privately? And like, we treat each other normally the rest of the time?"

"I think I can do that," Sirius agreed with a smile much softer than his usual ones. "And you don't have to stress about spelunking or whatever the hell other words that website had for it." Remus snorted and they laughed quietly for a moment. "We can get to that when we're ready. No rush."

"No rush sounds good to me."

With one final kiss, Sirius set an alarm on his phone and then spooned up behind Remus for sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it this far, thank you so very much. This had been on my docket for a really long time as I ironed out the details of where this story would lead. I was inspired by the feel of anticipation and confusion that comes with the huge leap in those final years of high school and entering into college. So many things change in high school and the drama is something unique. 
> 
> I hope that you have enjoyed reading the story and if you ever want to chat you can find me on Tumblr as @WolfyWordWeaver.


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